Image from Pixabay

Recently, I had a conversation with a 20-something young man who told me that he planned ahead only one year at a time. I knew what he meant and thought that his decision was very wise.

As a mother to three 20-somethings, I realize that this type of thinking is not the status quo. Encouraging our kids to figure out what they want to “be” is, I believe, a disservice.

Instead, we should encourage them to honor what makes them come alive and to go do that. And, we should follow this advice for ourselves. Let me explain.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~ Howard Thurman

Not Planning Ahead Results in Fewer Disappointments and More Opportunities

If I look at my own life as an example, at the age of 19 I went to a fine university in Canada and studied Mathematics and Business. I was doing what I thought was expected of me and would land me a good job. I planned to work in the business world and to always have a career. I didn’t know if I would marry or have children.

34 years later, here’s what happened.

• I worked for a large corporation for over 7 years, learned a lot and discovered that corporate life was not for me.

• I married, moved to the U.S. (something I never expected to happen), and raised three children.

• At the age of 40, I discovered a passion for photography (always a late bloomer).

• At the age of 50, I returned to school for a Masters degree in Earth Literacy (studying environmental issues).

• After working for a non-profit for a short time, I realized that I wanted to focus on photography, so I started a website, a blog, and developed online classes. Thanks to Seth Godin for changing my life on April 7, 2009!

• This past year, my husband and I returned to Canada and he is pursuing his dream while I continue mine.

There’s no way I could have planned any of this. And, if someone had told me that this is how my life would turn out when I was in my 20’s, I would’ve thought they were crazy.

I’ll bet you have a similar story.

Does this mean we never set goals or make plans? Of course not.

Some long term plans might include saving for a house or studying to be a doctor. These are wonderful things. However, in the midst of working towards a goal, anything can happen, from illnesses to recessions to just changing your mind.

A parent becomes ill and we decide to move in with them for awhile.

We get married, plan to have kids, and the marriage ends two years later.

We study to be a doctor and discover we really like teaching.

We may be in the financial sector and a blue sweater on a boy in Africa takes us into global development.

We may be working at Starbucks to pay the bills and get to know a regular who decides they want to hire us because they like our work ethic.

Set intentions or goals, but be open to everything.

Most importantly, we (and our kids) need to live the lives we have now, discover who we are, what lights us up, and where we can be of service. Our job is to make a contribution.

Addendum: Since writing this post, I realized that most of my readers are older than 20-something and we may not always be happy with the way our lives turned out. There are things I wish I had done differently, yet also realize that everything is a learning experience. Sometimes we have to do things to realize that we don’t want to do them, if you know what I mean. 

This is why I encourage my kids to listen to themselves now, while they’re young and get clear on their passions, strengths, and dreams. They don’t have to live a conventional life (although they might have to get a job they don’t particularly like to pay the bills). There are infinite possibilities for following your dreams and it’s never too late to start (that goes for all of us).

Tell me, was your life totally mapped out? How did it work for you?

Additional Reading:

The Power of Intention
Having a Quarterlife Crisis