What an amazing Mother’s Day weekend. We were out to see a play Friday night, but the rest of the weekend was spent at home, enjoying the beautiful weather, getting work done around the house, and relaxing in our gazebo.

During my down time, I was totally absorbed in Susannah Conway’s just released book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart. I read it cover to cover, and even completed some of the exercises suggested by at the end of each chapter.

What does this have to do with contemplative photography?

A lot. If you don’t know of Susannah Conway, she is a photographer and writer, with a very popular blog and online classes. To me, she lives a contemplative life. And, if contemplation is “a long, loving look at the real (Thomas Merton),” then that is exactly what this book is about.

Conway has gone through her own process of unraveling since the sudden death of her partner seven years ago. Grief allowed her the time and space to discover who she really is and to create a life that she loves. With no “bullshit,” she describes what makes her happy – photography, writing, poetry, friendships, and family (especially her nephew, Noah). And, she tells of her struggles – dealing with grief, loneliness, self-worth, and feeling abandoned.

Through it all, she discovers that, in her self-imposed solitude, the answers are found within. 

While talking about her love of poetry, Conway writes,

It’s a blessing to find writers whose words speak for us when we are mute, the scribes who record our collective experiences and mine their own lives so we can better understand ours. (p. 89)

She has done just that for me in this book. Here are my highlights.

Conway begins by talking about her own journey through grief and what helped her the most – feeling the pain, finding support, paying attention, and time. She encourages us all to identify the people in our lives that matter most, and tell them. Her chapter on family and how our childhoods affect us struck an emotional chord with me, especially this.

We could all spend a lifetime unraveling the knots of our childhood, but at some point you realize the knots are no longer yours. They belong to your parents, and their parents before them. The legacy is long and complicated, the damage passed on through generations, until one day someone finally stops and says: This story does not belong to me. (p. 57)

Here is where she befriends the little girl she once was. Often, we look to others to heal those wounds. Susannah discovered that it is up to her to protect and love that little girl. We can’t rely on anyone else to do it. So powerful. Where I have felt most connected to Susannah is through photography. I took her Photo Meditations online class, and learned to face my resistance to self-portraits.

For both of us, photography has been healing. For both of us, photography is a form of meditation. We both offer online workshops. Susannah shoots amazing images with her Polaroid camera and my first photographic experiences were with Polaroids.

When Polaroid first came out with its instant camera, the SX-70, I was in high school and had a job demonstrating them in department stores. I even wore a sash that said “Polaroid Camera Girl.” I think Susannah would have been about two years old at the time.

I say “The meaning of life is to see.” Susannah says, “I write with my eyes.” 

Her road to healing continues as she comes to terms with her own self-worth, especially how she views her body. Self-portraits are a way of seeing past the surface to the person inside and loving that person. She also takes portraits of others and has a way of bringing out their essence in the images.

When I look in the mirror and see only the bad, the unworthy, the downright ugly, I abuse myself again and again, undermining the healing I’ve worked so hard to bring into my life.

She talks about the benefits of being “a tribe of one,” the importance of solitude and also of belonging. Her family and friends (including online friends) are especially important. Yet, she has discovered that the best relationships are based on affirmation and acceptance, rather than need; relationships where each person can be themselves, without having to explain or defend.

This book will resonate with anyone who has experienced grief or found healing through an art. It is for anyone who wants to do work they love, or has lost friendships, or is dealing with aging and body issues. Susannah’s life is a continual unraveling of trust and love, getting to the core of what she really wants, and then making it happen.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. 5 Stars.