Where do you place your focus?

This week I’ve been thinking about the expression “don’t give it a second thought” – usually meaning don’t worry about it. On this site I spend a lot of time talking about paying closer attention, taking long looks.

Sometimes though, our minds focus on things that are really a waste of valuable time.

Our thoughts can indeed become obsessive, taking us away from our lives and into our heads. We obsess about small things that happened (meaning they are in the past and there is nothing we can do about them), yet we can’t let them go.

We are NOT our minds, but separate, and in control — build a relationship with the mind: to establish who’s boss, to offer food for thought, to groom it occasionally… ~ Diane Walker

Let’s look at an example.

Someone in a store is rude to us. It makes us angry and hurts our precious ego. We can’t believe that someone would treat us like that. So, we fume about it the rest of the day and tell everyone we meet what happened.

We have effectively given that person power over our entire day. Maybe it feels good to blow off a little steam, but I’m not so sure. Maybe it just escalates our anger.

What if instead we didn’t give it a second thought?

I have tried this and find that it really works! Something minor happens – I break a glass, the package doesn’t come, there is a traffic jam that will make me late, I see a Facebook post that rubs me the wrong way.

I feel myself ready to react – with defensiveness, anger, irritation, etc. I notice my reaction and realize that it doesn’t really matter. I tell myself – don’t give it a second thought – and move on. It is amazingly powerful and life enhancing.

Now, my focus can be on what really matters – relationships, being grateful, learning new things, seeing beauty.

The important distinction here is knowing what really matters. There are some instances where a reaction is needed. You may need to apologize for something you said in haste or tell someone how their behavior affected you. In those cases, do what needs to be done and then don’t give it a second thought.

As the holidays approach and tensions can sometimes be high, this is a good opportunity for practicing this valuable skill. Try it with the small stuff and you will be amazed how much it helps when it comes to the big stuff.

Happy Holidays!