Tara Brach is a psychologist and teacher who writes from a Buddhist perspective. Her new book, True Refuge (paid link), is about finding peace through our own hearts and presence.

A refuge is a place where we feel safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble. Much of the suffering we endure in this life is due to a lack of presence, living in the virtual reality of our obsessive thoughts – what Brach calls a false refuge. False refuges are the ways we try to escape unpleasantness and control our lives. Yet, life is about impermanence. It cannot be controlled. We will all experience pain and loss, just as we will all hopefully experience joy and love.

False refuges don’t work. 

What we need are true refuges that help us to experience life with equanimity, welcoming everything. As I was reading the book, I made a list of true and false refuges.

False refuges – perfectionism, lost in stories about what is happening, blame/vengeance, addictions (shopping, TV, alcohol, drugs, Internet, etc.), worry/anxiety, ego, attempts to control life, and compulsive thinking.

Do any of those ring true for you? Mine would definitely be worry and obsessive thinking – maybe add in a little too much wine occasionally.

True refuges – letting go (acceptance), honoring your feelings, mindfulness/awareness, love, facing truth, supportive communities, inspired teachers, experiencing our aliveness, healing relationships, and presence. At the end of the book, Brach describes her vision of a life of true refuge.

We give ourselves to work and play, to creativity and passion, to family and friends. We feel emotions, pleasure and pain. We remember our timeless nature. We move through the world with receptivity, awe, and unconditional love.

Now, that sounds like an adventure worth living.